Lust.
A word that evokes strong imagery and emotion. It’s easy to fall to the image of lace, of desire, and of envy and judgment. Women are taught to feel shame from a young age around sexuality. There’s a very prescriptive way we are told we should act; what we are allowed to feel and exhibit, and moving outside those lines results in slut, whore, and a slew of other derogatory names. What we are taught not only inhibits us from having healthy sexual relationships with ourselves and others, but reinforces patriarchal norms.
Lust in an overwhelming desire for something. You can lust over a dreamy vacation or a new pair of heels, but it’s typically referring to sexual desire. In Roman Catholic theology, lust was defined as a disordered desire for inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure.
In undergrad, I wrote a thesis on Human Sexuality and the Demographic Impacts on Knowledge. Despite the average age of one’s first intercourse being between 16 and 18, the average college student’s knowledge around our bodies is minimal. We, as a society, don’t understand what’s happening and why. The education around it is lacking, resulting in making lust and sex more taboo. How can we celebrate and communicate around lust and desire when there’s a lack of understanding of what it is?
There’s writings on lust that describe it as driving us to see people as objects for our own pleasure. Across religions, cultures, and demographics, there’s disparate views on the impact of lust, most of them described in an unhealthy way.
A Healthy Relationship with Lust
Lust is natural, healthy, and is signaling something to our bodies. How powerful that our bodies are communicating to us, giving us an opportunity to explore what it means. What if instead of suppressing these feelings and feeling shame around these feelings, we are able to pay attention and use those feelings as a guide and as a tool?
Now, if we act on lust or desire every time it arises, it can become unhealthy and pose a risk to our physical and mental health. Like with everything, there’s a spectrum and a balance. Suppressing or denying these feelings can also have an impact on our overall health. What questions can you ask yourself when lustful feelings arise?
What is my body telling me I desire?
What is happening around me?
What am I finding desirable?
Am I respecting my boundaries and the boundaries of others?
Brene Brown describes shame as an “I am” statement vs. guilt, an “I feel” statement. We have an opportunity to break free from shame from outdated notions. Lust is a natural and healthy part of our lives. Taking time to understand and communicate around it fosters healthier relationships with ourselves and our partners. Embracing lust can lead to greater self-awareness and self-confidence. When we understand what we want and can express that, we can take the driver’s seat in our lives that extends beyond the bedroom.
I feel so passionately about living an authentic life and for me, a part of this is understanding and embracing our desires. It’s rejecting societal pressures and norms when they don’t fit who we are or where we want to go. Integrate self-exploration, communication, and education so that you can reclaim your natural impulses as a part of your identity and path to empowerment.
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