We live in a world defined by its flaws and imperfections, checking all the boxes we can to meet our own standards of success. The seven deadly sins originated from categorizing vices as early as the 4th century. Over time, the seven deadly sins have become a framework for understanding human failings. They’re depicted in art and literature as cautionary tales and warnings against corruption.
What if, though, instead of using them as frames of punishment, we used them as opportunities for growth and transformation? Elizabeth and I are excited to have a book club around the book, On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen, the book that sparked this topic. We will post weekly blog posts on each of the sins and use it as an opportunity for self-discovery and reframing what was created to elicit judgment, self-doubt, and punishment to a framework for solidarity, healing and empowerment.
We are often told to ensure we keep our emotions under control. Being angry can yield being stereotyped as crazy or as not having control, even when it’s warranted. We are human and feeling our emotions, including wrath, is a crucial step toward cultivating empathy and connection. If we suppress, we ignore, and we aren’t being authentic to ourselves. It becomes dangerous when we find ourselves in a cycle where we do not understand the root cause of anger or are operating in obnoxious aggression (Kim Scott - Radical Candor). It is okay to feel wrath. It is okay to want to throw something at a wall. It is okay to want to scream. It’s okay to not understand. To want to externalize the internal. To release. To feel. To embrace. It’s part of our human journey. Taking time for words behind it is what gives us power.
Sloth is where I find a lot of my own self-destruction. I grew up always moving, always doing something. At 33 years old, I don’t know how to relax. What box can I be checking? What person can I build a relationship with? What can I do to become a better version of myself? When someone describes a relaxing afternoon to me, I experience envy. Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, hit on this concept in a way I have never been able to articulate before. Whether someone worked hard or not, I would hear my internal voices go off if someone came to a stop, if god forbid, someone wanted to sleep in or sleep the day away.
The quote that most resonates from the book is “When she does this, I get clenched and tight. I get agitated, then angry, because she is relaxing at me. I start tidying loudly and aggressively in the couch’s vicinity. She hears my violent tidying and asks, “What’s wrong?” I say, “Nothing” with a tone that suggests “Something.” This dance plays out again and again: Abby relaxing on the couch and me getting angry about it and Abby getting angry that I’m getting angry.”
It brings me back to so many arguments fueled by my own agitation, and agitation around what? Around being human - around people enjoying themselves in their own ways. Because they could turn off and I couldn’t? I think back to the look I would give if a partner wanted to binge-watch TV or sleep through their alarm. Lazy. Really, it was jealousy.
And with envy, the comparison of ourselves against someone else is what’s surfacing. What if, what if, instead of rejecting, judging, getting angry, we took a moment to reflect on why we felt that? Envy signals a desire for something. What if instead of creating barriers, we sought to understand? I feel this way and what does that mean about my experience, what I want, and what I feel I am doing or not doing in that?
A sin that often yields judgment is lust. When I hear the word lust, I think of a body against a body, lace, and an inability to suppress. Lust, though, is so much more. It can manifest as a craving, a craving for validation, success, or power. What is it each of us craves? Do we understand why? Understanding and embracing these desires and cravings allows us to be intentional and cultivate more meaningful conversations, relationships, and experiences. I crave validation in everything I do. I serve myself by understanding why. What is it I really need? What are my goals and are they true to what I want vs. what I think may yield words of affirmation?
Being this honest with ourselves can be hard. Being honest with ourselves can tap into our pride. Once we latch onto pride and attach to our ego and our self-importance, it can hinder genuine connection and growth. How can we challenge ourselves to embrace a mindset of openness and curiosity? There are two sides to everyone. Women often live in a state of humility. How can we advocate for ourselves, and empower ourselves? How can we share our achievements, and our moments of joy, and celebrate them together?
How can we become a bit more greedy of being in the limelight, of our successes? How can we become greedy in taking space? In sharing our stories in solidarity? In not living in isolation and instead, knowing our story matters; that we have such worth? Take up space and, together, let’s live a life not focused on the accumulation of things, but accumulation of experiences, of twin flames, and of joy.
Overindulging in that celebration, in focusing on our successes in an excessive manner could be seen as greed or as gluttony. I think back to the America’s Next Top Model episode portraying the seven deadly sins. Gluttony was portrayed as a woman with desserts in her hands. Let’s expand past that. We can be gluttonous in consumption, absorption, and obsession with anything. There are moments when that’s warranted. We are human beings, here to experience all we can in this life. Being gluttonous around self-care, pleasure, and celebration can be hugely positive. How do you create balance in your life and indulge in ways that are healthy and self-serving?
Across these seven sins, it’s easy to find where we can be better, do more, do less, doubt ourselves, and judge ourselves. How can we turn these moments of reflection into a celebration of ourselves and each other? To cultivate a community and value each person for their uniqueness?
We are all multifaceted beings, each with our own story, set of struggles and doubts, and triumphs. In this complex tapestry, every thread is deserving of recognition. We deserve to find value and joy in the moments we experience.
I am excited to embark on a journey, exploring these sins not as pitfalls, but as opportunities for transformation of the body, mind, and soul. How can we show up in our fullest capacity, honoring ourselves with the care and compassion we deserve?
Comments